Narcissistic Abuse
Identify the cycle. Create a new one.
Simply put: It’s not your fault.
Narcissistic abuse is insidiously hard to identify, but can be felt in every aspect of your lived experience.
Do you have these symptoms? Psychologically you “feel crazy” being dismissed, second guessing actions or words, or having memory issues. Emotionally you feel drained fighting for security, having the same circular conversations, and experiencing hypervigilance. Physically you are fatigued and have less energy than you used to. Spiritually you feel trapped or like no one bigger than you is listening.
There is a dynamic at play that is bigger than you realize. We can identify it and choose health.
Narcissistic abuse is the result of being connected to a person, family, system, or institution wherein only the abuser gets their needs met. Inside this hierarchical dynamic are power and control tactics (i.e. emotional guilting, gaslighting, crazymaking behaviors, withholding or limiting access to essential needs, abandonment, etc…) that render the average person’s nervous system defenseless. It creates an unequal dynamic of continual culpability, accommodation and giving for the survivor. It can result in Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), wherein the survivor keeps getting traumatized from the relationship. There is a cycle to be aware of, there is empowerment to gain, there are dynamics to change in order for you to be seen and taken care of.
Change the narrative.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is for:
Anyone…
If you are in an unequal and painful romantic relationship, friendship, engaging with a family member, your job, your religious community, school, systems in America…you can heal from the pain of being made small.
At Any Age…
It does not matter what stage of life you are in, healing and course correcting is possible.
At Any Point.
Do you believe that relationships or connections cannot be salvaged? This isn’t true! You can change your relationship/connection no matter the amount of investment. Whatever the outcome, you will have what matters: yourself.
Questions about Narcissistic Abuse
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A narcissistic dynamic usually can be identified by having these traits: 1). a cycle of Love-bombing, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering you back in. 2). elements of power and control, 3). the Narcissist will utilize the Defend→Argue→Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO) strategy whenever you try to ask for change/your needs to be met, 4). they never take accountability + real life change, 5). you do everything from a place of fear and guilt.
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Creating self doubt in this dynamic is part of the strategy. Your body knows when you have been traumatized. This is an objective term to identify a dynamic that is one-sided and abusive. It is not harsh - it is as bad as it sounds.
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We can get wrapped up in figuring out if the person or system has a diagnosis. This is not the goal. Someone can be immature, traumatize, have a diagnosable condition, have narcissistic traits, etc… and still cause the same impact. What is important is identifying that the cycle and poor treatment are not o.k.
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No you do not. This can feel like a black and white question where there is more nuance. Not every scenario is this cut and dry. Part of our treatment is utilizing self agency and empowerment to make healthy choices to invest in your happiness.
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I do not actively see clients in domestic violence situations. Therapy is not effective if you fear for your life. You need safety to be able to think/choose well. People in domestic violent situations are likely connected to a Narcissist, but not everyone in a Narcissistically abusive situation will experience physical domestic violence.